10 Things I Know to Be True

1.  That there are more seasons of Teen Mom 2 than there are of Happy Endings, Freaks and Geeks, Sports Night, Pushing Daisies, and Veronica Mars is a great tragedy.

2.  I am incapable of eating just a few Pringles.  Once you pop, the fun don't stop. Ditto Oreos.  Or candy corn. Or Ruffles.

3. That craft that I saved to my Pinterest board?  75% chance I won't actually follow through and do it.  However, there is a 90% chance that if I do, it will look absolutely NOTHING like the photo.

4. Beyonce didn't wake up like dis.  So it's okay that you don't either.

5.  Telling your friends "omg, my phone was on silent" on Friday night, when in reality you ignored it while you ate a cookie cake by yourself and watched Netflix is a totally valid life choice.  Them Breaking Bad episodes aren't going to watch themselves, girl.

6.  People who don't like golden retrievers are not to be trusted.  Back away.  Back sloooooooowly away. And ideally, go find a golden retriever to hug.

7.  Watching a lot of crime procedurals will come in handy one day, I swear.  Every day, we're just seconds away from livin a real life Clue.  I am ready.

8.  People may look at you oddly when you say "ella-ella--ella-ay-ay-ay" whenever they mention an umbrella.  You should do this anyway because it is awesome.

9.  Continuing to repeat "pageants aren't about beauty; they are scholarship programs!" is about as quaint and cute as my repeating "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" over and over again.  Both phrases are meaningless.

10. Nicholas Sparks films are all secretly the same.  Pretty people with symmetrical faces+North Carolina+Tragedy+Kissing in the rain=Love.  And you know what, I will pay full price for that nomsense EVERY. TIME.

I'm Lovin It: Things I'm Digging This Week V. 5

To everyone who DMed, emailed, and smoke signaled me (friends, family, and just general readers alike), thank you for checking up on me.  At some point, I'll share the things that have been going on behind the scenes because there have been some doozies.  But for now...we play!

• Let me join the chorus of people heralding Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl.  Like I was telling Nisha, I think this book will only confirm whatever feeling you already have about her (negative or positive) but I really loved it. Her characters in Girls drive me mad but there's something about her as a person that I really love.  I love smart, brassy women who are a little off kilter; I try to surround myself with as many of them as possible because those women--the women that stick out, that don't always seem to quite fit, they're my kindred spirits. Lena happens to be one of those ladies and I'd be lying if my old soul and utterly neurotic self didn't hear a lot of myself in her words (before you freak out, Ma, no there are not any stories lurking in my past that have anything to do with me snorting cocaine or having sex with vacant surfer dudes.  I promise). With that said, peppered amongst some of her wilder stories are some real gems about the relationships we have with ourselves and others and the things that drive us and very few times have I felt like somebody actually "got" what it's like to live in an anxiety filled head all the time.
• Talk about dream job...literally!  I think one of the biggest and most important things we can do for students besides preparing them academically is ensuring that they leave school confident, resilient, and feeling empowered to take ownership of their lives, dreams, and choices.  The Future Project helps fund dream directors/coordinators at schools who are charged with helping students achieve their dreams and goals and building culture at the school.  No summary I give will do justice to just how awesome this is, so please give it a read.
• I won't even try to pretend that I know who should win the great Ben Affleck vs. Matt Damon debate (careful, it's heated over there y'all), but this week, Ben Affleck wins for his hilarious stories on Jimmy Fallon's show.  How he can manage to go from Frozen to baseball to kiddie sports in 5 minutes, I have no idea.
• Sarah Kay's Ted Talk, "If I Should Have a Daughter" had me in tears about two minutes in; it's not just about parenting; so much of her discussion is about creation and living openly and how both require immense vulnerability but reward you with true, deep connection.
• This acoustic version of "Somebody Loves You" by Betty Who.  I'm pretty much a sucker for any song broken down to its bare parts but this song really just does it for me, since the original version is also a favorite.
• I think the relationship between people and their pets is a powerful one and I deeply admire the people who raise therapy animals since I think the positive and soothing impact animals can have on humans is fascinating.  I loved this article about Iris Grace and her relationship with her therapy cat.
• I've been obsessed with the Kennedys since I was in the 6th grade and had to do a project on the 1960s and while I've always been partial to Bobby, you best believe I devoured these rare photos from JFK and Jackie's wedding.
• Look, I actually liked A Fault In Our Stars but whoever did the writing for ebola inspired SNL spoof is a genius.  
• I've been volunteering all year but more recently, I started working at some shelters, mostly serving low income and homeless individuals.  The days I'm there are fulfilling ones but they are also hard in their own way.  I find myself standing around sometimes, parsing out food and looking around at the dully painted walls, harsh lighting, and thinking to myself that no one should have a life that's devoid of beauty like that.  These places are not run down by any means but they're not warm and people deserve a warm place to come home to at the end of the day.  Beyond that, I find myself even more cognizant of homeless people on the streets, on the subway and it makes me deeply sad.  While I've found myself growing frustrated about the persistence of homelessness in my city and saddened by the realities of what these people's lives probably feel like, this kid actually did something about it.

I'm Lovin It: Things I'm Digging This Week V. 4

What day is it?

Honestly, I've had that thought multiple times in the past week and not in a I'm-so-drunk-I'm-in-a-nacho-and-vodka-induced-fugue, I'm talking, my-head-is-spinning-what-is-going-on-is-it-Tuesday-or-Wednesday kinda place.

I've been off the grid awhile as I've tried to get into the groove of my new job and while I've been anxious and stressed, that anxiety has been a great source of restlessness and restlessness is such a great foundation for good old fashioned pointless internet surfing.

• Like I have said before, I really love animals and animal videos and this video of a baby elephant blowing bubbles is just about the cutest thing I've seen.
• I've been thinking a lot about my schedule and my time recently because I've noticed some things getting out of balance; I LOVE this article that a friend shared via Facebook about productivity and really want to try some of the things they suggested.  While I do some of the things that the author writes about already (like scheduling specific tasks for certain times), I think the idea of more intentionally scheduling freetime and spending less time on "shallow" tasks is pretty provocative, especially since I feel like I've spent years of my life the past few years, solely answering emails.
• I love Emma Watson.  Not because she can pull off a pixie like few of us can, not because she was Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.  I love her because she leads with her intelligence and because she is a tremendous example of what a modern feminist is.  Her speech at the UN about women's rights and feminism is a definite must watch (and is a great contribution to a larger conversation happening in the world about feminism and women's equality right now).
• I would love to work some place that had one of these initiatives.  Sing at work?  Yes please! (I already do this, but actually having this singing be welcomed is a whole other story...)
• This Olivia Locher art project, highlighting some of the more absurd laws on record in the US (no ice cream in your pocket in Alabama...that's a no no!) is interesting...and educational.  I now know that I should not paint my yard red should I ever move to Kentucky, which is too bad, because that was certainly on my bucket list.
• Like American history?  Like documentaries?  Well then you MUST watch Ken Burns' documentary on Franklin, Eleanor, and Teddy Roosevelt.  And lucky you, it's all streaming online here!
• In another ode to America, I give you the weird shit Miss America contestants shared about themselves during the talent portion.  I think my favorite is Miss Oklahoma's.  How exactly did she discover she could say the alphabet backwards?  How did she cultivate that skill? Any why?  So many questions.
• Consider this your weekly reminder that if you're not watching The Mindy Project, you really need to start watching The Mindy Project.

Applause For...

1.) The woman walking down Amsterdam with not one, not two, but three, parrots atop her shoulders.

2.) The clearance aisle of Duane Reade, featuring condoms about to expire as well as discontinued pregnancy tests.  I think I see where this is going.

3.) The little girl who walked up to her daddy very politely and said, "Papa, your shoes are very ugly." Man, sir, they start early here and you are clearly in for many years of that to come.

I'm Lovin It: Things I'm Digging This Week V. 3

I have returned!  Vacation is almost over (just a matter of hours at this point) and I wish I could go back.  Since I was off all week, I expected to have a ton of new internet gems to share but I actually wasn't on my computer or surfing the web most of my trip (in hindsight, this is actually a great thing but still weird). I do have a few fun things to share with y'all though so behold!

• I'm heading to the Paley Center tomorrow to see some early premieres of the new NBC shows but I've I've already managed to see A to Z, with my girl Cristin Milioti and I love it. You can watch the pilot On Demand or on their official site and I definitely recommend you do so!  I'm basically subtitling this show Tracy McConnell's Revenge. It's unapologetically romantic, quirky, and charming, and pretty much gives Cristin Milioti all the goofy, great material I wish HIMYM had.
• As expected, the HIMYM alternate ending leaked early online before the DVD set was released.  I've talked about HIMYM a fair amount here (and the blog post I wrote about the finale is, in fact, my most popular post with views in the triple digits!) so I was, not surprisingly, eager to see this. I'd link something here but literally every site this has been on keeps pulling it down so I implore you to do some googling and see if you can snag a view while you still can.  Overall, I liked this version better (in that we have none of this Robin-Ted nonsense and they touch on all the twists life takes to get us to our ultimate path) though there is a little part of me that feels like this version is a little stale.  I'm curious to hear others' opinions though!
• My best friend Grace insists that we get grocery store cakes whenever I visit (I'm sure there's some tradition or reason for this dating back to college or something but I certainly can't remember it).  This reminded me to check out Cake Wrecks, one of my absolute favorite websites that I haven't read in some time.
• I love hugs and because I'm also apparently five, I love animals doing cute things so by that logic, I really love animals giving hugs (though the one with the snake is kinda making me nervous).
• I've been thinking a lot about social media and my presence on it and a friend passed along this article about Facebook Likes.  Facebook Likes/Instagrams are a tricky thing; we all want to share and be affirmed but at what point do these Likes cease to have meaning?  Why do we impose such a heavy meaning on them in the first place?  If someone doesn't like your photo, is that a sign of lack of affection?  Was your experience lessened?  (I have a friend who will take down any Instagram photo that gets less than 11 likes in 2 hours so really...what's the real reason we're posting these things?)  Is Facebook or Instagram really helping us feel more connected to one another or are we just stockpiling more surface level relationships? Interesting conversation topic for the future, I think.
• More Beyonce!  That Blu Ivy, she kills me.  Skip to the last 40 seconds for extra cuteness.
• Oddly enough, I was reading Joan Rivers' recent book on my flight home--the day before she checked into the hospital.  I grew up watching Joan Rivers on Fashion Police and what I would give to be famous and have her tell me my dress was hideous.  She was honest and brave and brutally funny and she'll be deeply missed.  If you're not familiar with her work, click on the Time article above or take a gander at some of her best lines.

Applause For...

-The girl pumping up her friend while catching up at Magnolia Bakery.  I quote: "Girl, it sounds like you just need to dance it out.  JUST. DANCE. IT. OUT." I hope you both got to dance it out together.

-The guy on 8th Avenue who "[didn't] care if he got lucky that night.  [He] just wanted to get a little drunk and eat some fried chicken." Thanks for the honesty, dude.  I'm glad you're so clear on your intentions.

-The girl outside Shake Shack with her friend, who appeared to quietly listen to her friend as she recounted a recent fight with her boyfriend, but when her friend paused to ask her her opinion on the situation drolly said, "Sorry, I got bored by your story and was trying to decide if I wanted cheese fries or a malt."  I think a lot of us have been there...but you actually admitted it.

Broads I'd Like to Have a Drink With: Fictional Edition

As a follow up to my last post, I wanted to talk through some of my favorite fictional women with whom I'd love to grab a drink.  The choices here were difficult but I've narrowed it down to a few of my favorite broads.  Who's making your invite list?

Broad: Leslie Knope
Drink of Choice: Definitely NOT Snakejuice.  Probably the most reasonably priced pinot noir on the menu.  Leslie doesn't need it to be fancy and neither do I.  We probably shouldn't overdo it, since neither of us really handles our alcohol well.
Why She Snagged an Invite: Leslie and I share a lot in common--an appreciation for Eleanor Roosevelt and mac and cheese pizza, an incredible love for planning, binders, and made up festive holidays, and a deep (and sometimes overwhelming) investment in our friends.  Despite roadblocks and disappointments, she continues to see the world as brimming with possibility and always fights the good fight.  Plus, this is a woman who carries emergency s'more rations in her car.  That's a woman you wanna hang with, so sign me up for a night of drinking and working on our dream boards.



Broad: C.J. Craig
Drink of Choice: a Grasshopper
Why She Snagged an Invite: C.J., White House Press Secretary and Chief of Staff extraordinaire, plays to win and with her sharp brain (have you heard her arguments against gun control?) and superb wit that's both high and low brow, she's the perfect happy hour (or really any hour) companion.  Additionally, while we're both highly capable and strong in our professional lives, we fumble through our personal ones whether it's dealing with our families or the men in our lives, and it'd be nice to swap notes.

Broad: Liz Lemon
Drink of Choice: Her signature drink "Funky Juice"--white wine, ice cubes, and Sprite, which to be honest, doesn't sound all that bad.
Why She Snagged an Invite: Liz, super hero and role model to girl nerds everywhere, is right up my ally in terms of her approach to nightlife.
We'd go to a bar and talk about Star Wars, our crazy coworkers, and Oprah, complain about the youths surrounding us, order some mozzarella sticks and be home at a reasonable hour to work on our night cheese and watch a Designing Women rerun. Done.  WINNING (or Lizzing) on all fronts.





Broad: Kathleen Kelly
Drink of Choice: A cappuccino, preferably from Cafe Lalo.
Why She Snagged an Invite: Kathleen loves reading and there, in my opinion, are few better ways to spend a few hours than talking about the books that meant the most to us growing up.  I imagine we'd compare the different Pride and Prejudice movies and retire back to one of our Upper West Side apartments afterwards to craft homemade bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils.





Broad: Hermione Granger
Drink of choice: Butterbeer, duh.
Why She Snagged an Invite: Almost everywhere she goes, Hermione is the smartest one in the room and there are few things she can't do if she puts her mind to it (besides being quiet that is).  She's a woman who's prepared for almost anything that comes across her path (remember that damn handbag in Hallows?) and furthermore, she's deeply compassionate.  I'm sure she'd get filled with righteous indignation and give me a lecture at some point but honestly, I'd probably deserve it.

Broads: Veronica Mars and Olivia Benson
Drink of choice: a nice IPA
Why They Snagged Invites: I like smart, strong, principled women with a bit of an edge to them.  And with these two next to me at the bar, I sure as hell won't get hassled.  And hell, if we're feeling fancy, maybe we'll have Jessica Fletcher join us too--just a trio of mystery solving ladies.

Broad: Megan from Bridesmaids
Drink of Choice: Some shots of Fireball. Or let's be honest, many shots of Fireball.
Why She Snagged an Invite: Megan's the best character in Bridesmaids hands down.  She lives a bullshit free life and makes no apologies for herself.  She's a woman who loves herself and her life and has no qualms about telling you when you need to get your act together and "fight for your shitty life."  I've probably needed that advice more times than I can count and I'd be excited to spend a raucous evening with someone like that...and maybe if I get her drunk enough, she'll tell me where all the nukes are.

Broad: Peggy Olson
Drink of choice: a stiff Manhattan
Why She Snagged an Invite:  She's disciplined, she's intelligent, and hell, she "leaned in" decades before that shit was even a thing.  I'd like to hole up with her for awhile and learn her secrets.

Broad: Martha Jones
Drink of Choice: pint of Guinness
Why She Snagged an Invite: I like to surround myself with people I deeply respect and Martha fits this bill perfectly.  Martha is probably one of the less popular companions in the Doctor Who fandom but I think she's significantly underrated.  Prior to meeting the Doctor, she has a full life, complete with a successful career and a strong relationship with her family, one that she happily returns to when she decides that her travels with the Doctor are over. She saves him--more than one mind you--and takes initiative to get them out of scrapes, rather than waiting for him to call the shots.  And finally, when the Doctor doesn't return her romantic feelings, she doesn't think any less of herself, and peacefully leaves, moving on to another phase of her life.  She's defined the least as a person by the Doctor (particularly when we compare her to any other companion he's ever had) and I respect that she's a woman who can take care of herself and create a life that will fulfill her.  Teach me your ways, Martha!